Let me go back for just a moment, to a night a year before this booty call, we were sitting in the parking lot at Denny's waiting for our friends to catch up with us and Cam informed me, he would NEVER be with a girl who had been with one of his friends. OKKKKK I can take a hint! I was suprised he had invited me over, but I figured maybe "just for fun" didn't fall into his category of "being with" the girl. Ok, or maybe I was in denial. This was a man who in the 4 years I'd known him had never had casual sex to my knowledge....
I went home that night, but hadn't made it halfway there before he sent me a text asking if it was "ok", didn't we cover that when I woke your neighbors screaming? Or when I walked into the wall because my knees were so weak I couldn't walk straight when I tried to stand up?? But I figured I can reassure him, I mean after that many orgasms I owe him at least that. I still (in my deep deep denial) thought that would be the end of it.
The next few weeks included texts, facebook IM's and calls from Cam. "When can I see you", "that was SO great, you don't even know" (yes, I do, I WAS THERE), "so you wanna do it again right", "Don't forget me" (how can I? you text me 50 times a day!!), "you don't have to drive all the way home, you can sleep here " (since when do booty calls sleep over!?!?). All those I could handle but then it took a turn for the emotional and I just wasn't sure, and to be honest I was still wrapped up in this cop I had a thing for and I hadn't taken a moment to consider Cam for anything more than his FANTASTIC tongue.
Through these couple weeks I had been avoiding, dodging and trying to sweetly pretend I wanted to see him so I could have that tongue again, when I wasn't too busy. But on the night of the "emotional incident" as I've taken to calling it in my head, I put my giant bitch pants on. He started out asking me if I had ever thought that would happen, upon my reference to the Denny's parking lot chat, he informed me, all that really mattered is how much he liked me, that he was sorry he'd said that (SHIT), the incident continued with his confession he would never have done that if he didn't trust me, he was not a whore ( DOUBLE SHIT) and when I blew off these statements, changed the subject, and refused to admit that I knew what he was telling me, he posted a facebook status in my honor. The lyrics to the Darius Rucker song, Don't think I don't think about it. For those of you who don't know, it goes something like this:
Don't think I don't think about it
don't think I don't have regrets
don't think it don't get to me
between the work and the hurt and the whiskey
could've been, should've been all worked out
I know what I felt and I know what I said
But don't think I don't think about it
I tried to pretend this wasn't happening, I tried asking if he was drunk and finally I told him I had to go to work (I had the night off) and ended the conversation. I ended up telling him he was annoying me and to back off (yeah, yeah I knowww). All of this would not matter if I had not had a startling lightbulb moment a couple months later. After all the crap I said to him and all of my terrible behavior, when I needed a place to stay because of an awful snow storm the day after Christmas (he lives MUCH closer to my work) he was willing to let me stay there, and while we sat on the couch watching a movie, after he bought me chinese food I realized, I had made a mistake of epic proportions....this felt SO right....and AH FUCK. In case I had any doubts he got up the next morning, made me coffee, cleaned off and warmed up my car AND brought me lunch at work despite the crappy roads. I'm still trying to do damage control on this one....I just can't blame him for being a bit distant after ALL the shit I did.....
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