The first thing I notice is the screaming-pounding-throbbing pain that appears to be coming from the general region formerly occupied by my brain. By opening one eye I determine I am in a room, ok good sign, I'm not dead. Next I conclude there are other people in the room, well....this could be good or bad since I don't remember who I was with past dinner time last night.
I flop over and stare at the ceiling, ok I know Sarah and I drove to New York to see her friend and I know I started the night with her "friend" and another hot soldier. I get up slowly and move towards the bathroom or what I assume is the bathroom, thank GOD I got that right because whatever I drank last night was determined to see the light again.
After seeing to that I wandered around, I had two goals in mind, find Sarah and FIND MY FUCKING PANTS. Within a few minutes I had the pants....and I had found what I could assume was the owner of this room? sleeping on the otherside of the bed. I could tell two things, I didn't have sex and I was definitely on base in a barracks somewhere.
I poked him, nothing, I pushed him, nothing finally I SLAPPED him and he moaned and opened an eye. He remembered me thank god and informed me of a few things, I had refused to have sex with him (REALLY?) and that I had insisted he turn around while I took off my pants. Well, he had me mixed up with someone else, for sure, but that was low on the list after where the fuck is Sarah.
Turns out soldier boy didn't have a car and his buddy lived on the other side of base. Have you ever taken a walk in the July heat with a tequila and everclear hangover on a sunny day? No, well let me describe it to you. Imagine walking through fire and over hot glass while being burned by the scorching rays of the sun which are penetrating your glasses like hot pokers and causing you to sweat something that smells like tequila vomit.
His buddy lived two mother fucking miles across base. I swear to you it was more like 500 and by the time I got there I had devised about 30 ways I could kill myself and just end this misery. I dragged Sarah out, dragged her to her car and INSISTED we get a fucking hotel. I needed a shower, I needed greasy food and I needed to sleep in a cool dark room for about a week.
Lucky for me I got none of those. Well I got the greasy food and after the fourth or fifth "if you fucking touch me I'll cut your nuts off" soldier boy let me sleep it off in his bed (after Sarah gave us a ride back).
By 9 PM I was looking at a line of tequila shots on the bar while soldier boy got ready to take the lime out of my mouth and just couldn't remember....why did I swear I wasn't going to do this again? I know I didn't make him turn around that night!
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